I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
