i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
