Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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