Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
