I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
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Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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