We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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