yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
