god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
