take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
