No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
3pm strippers are depressing
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
