He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
