My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
