apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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