In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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