Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
In America we eat man semen.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
