Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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