I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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