Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
birth control should be required to get into college
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
