I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
