So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
