So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
