Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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