everyone is single if you try hard enough
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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