toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
