What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
