I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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