Just fell off a train. Bad.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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