It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
