I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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