if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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