Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
