Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
