Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
