My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
