oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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