oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
