i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
