I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
