where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
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Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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