i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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