Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
