Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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