we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
