Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
