i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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