i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
