Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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