I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
