Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
