you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
