who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
