party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
