I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
