We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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