im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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