Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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