If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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