Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
