You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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