pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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