soooo we both peed the bed last night...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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