I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
