Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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