if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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