My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
