Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
