All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I love you. Go after that dick
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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