Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
