I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
