If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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