I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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