He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
